seluas langit biru.

Today I got my last term exam result. I was very nervous because I felt like I didn't do the exam well. My hand was shivering when I open the result, and I got A for Financial Accounting; wow that was great, I thought. Then my eyes scroll down to see the other two result...

My jaw drop, my mouth open, but I barely squeak like a little rat, I gasp and hardly catch my breath. I got C for both Economics of Industry and Company Law. I look at it a little longer, hoping the grade will change suddenly, I flip back the paper checking is it truly my name. It is. I got C, TWO Cs. In my entire life, I never ever ever EVER thought I would get a C for my exam, nor I ever got it. My brain flashing back to the past, when I was in the middle of study month, trying to recall and finding hard if I didn't study hard. I cannot find a thing. I study with my heart out, I study with everything I got, I pray like hell. Then how come I got this kind of thing?

I was feeling down, discourage. I text-ed my mom, friends, best friends, everyone gave me an encouragement word, but non of that is working. I cheering myself up with encouragement words I know, not working. Then suddenly, without any instruction, tears falling down, one by one...before I burst into tears. I'm crying, mourning, asking God why is this happening? Why do you give me this? Why do you let this happen? Is it a punishment? If yes, then why do you punish me so hard?

I couldn't find the answer, it's like God is just sitting in silence staring at me, His mouth is sealed. I am angry, not getting any answer and response. Then in my silence, God reminds me of last Saturday. Last Saturday I did volunteer in YMCA program. I gave a mentor about photography to mental disorder people. They were young adults above 19 years old, but they acted like secondary school student. Despite their condition, they played, took photo, cheered happily. That time I thought perfection might be boring sometimes. Look at them, they're not perfect, but they add colors to the world, they made me smile. I believe they just happy because they ignore and do not bother the fact that they're mental disorder; they didn't know that something is wrong with them. They just live a happy normal life as nothing is going on.

Get back to present, what is my C grades worth compare to their condition? Nothing.

Is there is any reason not to smile? No.

Maybe that is why God created them, to remind our-self  it is ok to make mistakes and fail sometimes. God is fair, He created them with immense heart, as broad as the blue sky.

How many times I said "Be grateful in everything"? It is easy to be grateful when you get a perfect A, but it is the other thing when you can say "Thank God, I love You" when you get C, when bad things happened, when things that you want is not there.

I take this as a motivation, that I have to try harder, learn from my mistakes, knowing that I can do better than yesterday!

There really is no reason not to smile :)