Long Distance

Some people asked me “how was it to be in a long distance relationship?” Here is the story.

(It's a long story, hope you enjoy ;)

Long distance is not always easy. Things are even harder when I cannot get him through; when Blackberry Messenger is pending, he is not online at MSN Messenger, and he does not reply my message don’t know why. Those things make me feel alone and stuck.

The first and second day after I go back from Jakarta will be the hardest time, when I have to adapt that his arm is not here to be hug, his smile is not there to cheer me up, his hand is not there to hold, it’s time to realize that he is not physically here. I started missing him as soon as I said “goodbye, see you soon” at Jakarta airport. My heart always sinks and I try my best to hold my tears when the plane landed at Changi, Singapore. When it is unbearable, I just let it flow and wish it will wash away these mixed feelings.

Long distance is never been easy for me, friends. It’s always emotional when I face the fact I cannot see him when weekend is coming. Chatting via Skype must be enough. Call me exaggerating, but missing someone is painful. It is excruciatingly painful when I miss him but he is not there to hug, or even to be seen. All I can hug is teddy bear you gave me. You said “If you miss me, just hug this teddy and it’s just like you hugging me.” I did, but teddy doesn’t hug back.

Put aside every sadness and tears, the beauty of long distance relationship is when I can finally meet him, after many nights of missing him. I still can remember the smile I have once I walk out of the plane, queuing for immigration, waiting for the baggage and there I see him, the one I long to see after months only looking at his picture. Simply wonderful when I can treasure every moment I can spend with him, because I know that moment won’t last forever and there will be a time I have to say goodbye at the airport. It’s funny how my heart skip a beat every time I’m about to meet him the next day. The butterflies on the stomach, the nervous and exciting feelings all mixed up. It’s just…like going for a first date every time.

Well, there are always two sides of coins, the good and not-so-good side. Long distance relationship is hard, at least for me it is. I may write on the not-so-good side longer, but if I can choose I will stay this way, because all the tears are worth paid by the joy when we meet. I learn to cherish all the time I have, hug and kiss him like it is the last time.

3 (three)

Three years ago, today. I love you more than ever.

top list

i've been going through exam period from 3 weeks ago, and it's going to finish in 1week time, yay. oh i can't wait!!

i am a terrible student, my focus always is on the holiday,

my only reason i study hard is that i know that after this hectic and stressing weeks of exam, holiday is coming.

so, the sooner i finish the exams, the sooner the holiday comes! hahah.

i imagine this holiday will be myself and my camera...

after stressing weeks of exam, i need days with myself (it's ok to do it sometimes, you know...enjoying yourself ;p)

well, here is my top list of places i want to go DIRECTLY after i go out from examination hall:

1. IKEA.

i can spend days in here.

(and do an early christmas shopping decor!)

2. Esplanade.

im going to bring books, read for hours there,

and finish my day digging up chocolate at Max Brener's.

3. Borders.

i need lots of books for holiday!

4. Scrapbook stores.

there's a lot of scrapbook stores here in town,

and its enough places to find something to make christmas cards :)

5. Orchard, Bugis.

well im a girl, i NEED to do some shopping.

6. Carrefour.
i love to do groceries shopping,
and believe it or not, i love cooking even im not a good cook (im learning though :D)

well i think that's enough places to go before my sister come.

yes, yes, my sister is going to come and visit me this holiday!

can't wait can't wait, i miss her and

sure she's going to bring me lots of stuff hahahah :D

what are you going to do for your coming holiday?

oh gosh...

the sun is rising soon, i still cannot sleep.

im tired, yet i cannot close my eyes.

i do not have insomnia,

i have a fucked up sleeping cycle.

...

i start asking,

doubt start to come...

tears falling.

tears falling.

even in the crowed i am not entertained.

our hearts are too far apart,

that we have to shout when we talk.

tears falling.

asking why

why

why

tears falling.

i look over to my shoulder,

no one...

you should really be here...

i wish this could really happen...

 

i wish this is real,

'coz skype is not working;

it makes me feel so close yet i cannot touch him.

it's excruciating.

:'(

ada waktu...

Ada waktu untuk menangis saat merindukanmu yang jauh dari rengkuhanku.

Ada waktu untuk tertawa saat mengingat masa-masa itu.

Ada waktu untuk meratap karena aku sungguh mati kesepian tanpamu.

Ada waktu untuk menari bersama kepedihan untuk mengusir sepi itu.

Ada waktu untuk memeluk, dan itu terakhir terjadi 90 hari yang lalu.

Ada waktu untuk menahan diri dari memeluk karena aku harus menunggu beratus-ratus hari ke depan.

Ada waktu untuk berdiam diri dan merasakan semua kerinduan, kegalauan, dan kegelisahan ini berkecamuk di hati dan mengalir melalui tetesan air mata.

Ada waktu untuk berbicara dan bahkan berteriak, bahwa aku sungguh ingin ada kamu disini.

Ada waktu untuk mengasihi meskipun kita terpisah 903 km jauhnya.

Ada waktu untuk membenci diriku sendiri saat aku merasa lemah dan menutup diri. 

credit to M. Solagratia

whoever you are...

I was just thinking, maybe God let problem come to me

just so He can tell me who are the my best friends,

and who are just.... friends.

So, thanks for being

   whoever you are...

17,520

i hope there will be another 2, 5, 10, 25, 50 and many many many years ahead for us!

glad that we can make it through this far,

and i still love you more than ever.

love you B, will always do.

infinite hugs and kisses,

♥

(photo courtesy: me)

stealing from God

i didn't tithe last month.

i did success save 58 dollars.

i steal from God.

i didn't give what is His proportion,

i took what belongs to Him.

i felt guilty at the first time but try to ignore it,

and just felt happy coz i can save some money.

Last Saturday, my cell group leader reminded us to tithe,

it was like a slap in the face.

Some of my cell group friends gave a testimony how they experience financial blessing because they are faithful to tithe.

i really want to feel His blessing,

i need a breakthrough.

Malachi 3: 10 said:

"Bring all the tithes into the storehouse.....And try Me now in this,
If I will not open for you the windows of heaven
And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it."

There's nothing to hard for God to bless us,

to give us what we want, what we need, even beyond that.

Do not need to worry our money will decrease in number.

In fact, God will protect it and bless us double portion, and even more.

So, last Sunday I gave my tithe for the month of October,

and miraculously, my dad increase my allowance, double size of my tithe!

See, isn't that God is good?

Don't get me wrong, my intention to tithe and give is not merely because of His blessing.

I am learning to be faithful,

even He does not bless me, i will always give.

because I want to,

because that is my part,

because He gave me first.

God knows my heart,

your heart,

our heart.

He knows.

He is good.

God is good all the time.

All the time God is good.

I am super glad I have a super God.

oh, great.

when i'm going through crisis, you are not there;

great.

where were you?

i really wish you were there between the rainfalls these days

my feeling for today...

heart-ache

i-heart-it.

i love...

eiffel   paris

rain

balloons     blue     sky     clouds

lights    wood

cupcake

winnie the pooh       disney movies

wedding

(i know it's sounds silly, but i really love wedding. the decoration,

the people, the meaning and the love...are just UH-MAZING)

cuddle     kiss 

calla lily     dandelion     daisy

bambi

picnic   summer     park

coffee     bistro     tea+creamer

breakfast

chocolate     cookies     hersey

my life.

aku ingin.

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan kayu

kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat diucapkan awan

kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

  
  Sapardi Djoko Darmono

in love.

oh my gosh, i never how is it feel when you are in love,

until now.

it is addictive, you know?

you'll never get enough.

[well, i do feel that way]

i know what "madly in love" really means

i fall in love with you, everyday.

isn't it the CUTEST? ♥

♥ you too!

you, portable---i wish.

I wish they made you portable
Then i'll carry you around and round
I bet you'll look good on me.